Talking to the old Marine

Posted on Sun May 25th, 2025 @ 5:16am by Lieutenant Bela Swain & Major Cameron Bourne

3,076 words; about a 15 minute read

Mission: Broken Mirror
Location: deck 12, Chief Counselor's Office

On:

Walking along deck 12, Cam was heading to the counselor's office to book in a few appointments. Now that he was back on active duty and serving on the Calypso again, Cam wanted to get ahead of any PTSD symptoms that might pop back up again, and he wanted to talk to the counselor about his feelings for Kara and what he might be able to do about them.

Finding the door he was looking for, Cam took a breath in before tapping the door chime.

Bela was dressed in comfortable clothing, including yoga pants, and had been doing meditation on her floor. When the chime rang, she popped up, slightly startled. She moved to the door and opened it. "Hello! What can I do for you?" she asked before giving the marine a warm hug.

A little surprised by the sudden hug, Cam paused for an awkward moment before returning the hug, "Um, I'd like to have a talk with you in a professional capacity, if you have time." He asked, looking down at the woman in his arms. He supposed that this was a way for her to make her clients feel comfortable around her, sort of a breaking the ice thing.

"Of course!" Bela replied in a sing song voice. Slowly, she disentwined, letting the disentwining arm trail down Cameron's body as she released that side. With the arm that was still holding onto Cameron, he led him further into the office. "Please, tell me how I can help. All that is mine is yours."

Following Bela in, Cam nervously cleared his throat, "that's quite a kind offer. For now, all I would like from you is a mental health check-up. As I've recently returned to retirement, I want to make sure the old brain box is still in order" he said before pursing his lips, “and I could use some advice of a personal nature.”

"I'm Risian," Bela explained. "The offer is mine to make and given unreservedly." She paused, her ponytail bobbing, as if to confirm Bela's statements. "You returned from or to retirement?" Bela asked to confirm Cam's words. "I am more than happy to give you a mental health check up and to discuss whatever you desire."

“From retirement, sorry” Cam clarified before taking a breath in, Cam held it for a moment before slowly releasing it, “Alright, let’s get the easy one out of the way first. I suffer from PTSD as a result of my experiences during the Dominion war. I’ve had some therapy for it and have learned to identify and handle my symptoms, but every now and then I still get episodes of nightmares and cold sweats.”

Refusing to let go of Cameron, she asked, "Are you having them now? Are you certain that it is wise to stay on duty, given the PTSD?" Her eyes grew large and concerned.

Cam shook his head, “no, I haven’t had a nightmare in almost a year now, but that’s when I was on a farming planet. Now that I’m back onboard, I’m not sure if they’ll return. As for my fitness for duty, I believe I’m fit, but I’ll leave that up to your professional judgment.”

"Well, I suppose we should talk about what happened to you during the Dominion War and what causes your triggers."

“Alright, would you like the basics or the juicy details?” Cam asked, putting his hands on his hips.

'Ow!" Bela exclaimed when one of the elbows struck her in her midsection. She had not been expecting him to put his hands on his hips when she was still holding him. Well, he's defensive and that makes sense given his condition.

She led him to a chair and gently lured him downward into it. Reluctantly, she let go but moved her seat near his so that there was barely an inch of space between their knees. "I would rather know it all than have a version that may leave something out that might help me understand your situation better."

"OK then, well, I guess I'll get down to the brass tacks of it," Cam said before taking a breath in and slowly releasing it. Even with all of the other counselling sessions he'd been through, he still found it hard to talk about these things with someone who may not have been through the same thing. "Well, I'd say the first big contributing factor to my trauma is when I lost my sniper team partner while out on an assignment. We were patrolling the Cardassian DMZ, keeping an eye on one of the Maquis colonies when I'm guessing we'd been spotted and were assumed to be hostile. The disruptor shot came seemingly out of nowhere and hit her in the head." Cam said as he looked out at nothing in particular, his mind replaying the events like an old, silent movie, "it would've been easier if she'd been killed right there, but the disruptor didn't impact square on, causing it to rip away part of her skull. I had to carry her for almost 5 miles away from the settlement before I could safely attend to her and by then, there was nothing I could do but try and comfort her."

Bela leaned forward, presenting a front showing that she was riveted to his story. 'Your team was just one person other than yourself?" Bela asked, trying to clarify. He only had referred to one person, yet he had mentioned that there was a team.

Cam nodded, "Yea, sniper teams generally are in pairs, one shooter and one spotter. She was my spotter."

"So, you were really close, then?" Bela asked softly.

"Yeah, you could say that. We were closer than siblings, but I never made the move to the next level before she died," Cam said as he reached up to his collar and pulled out a small golden cross on a thin gold chain, "This was hers. I keep it to remind me of our time together. Normally I'm not religious, but it's a comfort to give it a rub now and then."

Bela could feel her heart breaking for Cameron. Love lost was the worst pain. "That makes perfect sense. You were close. She was special. Have you been close to anyone since that event?" she asked softly, her hand reaching for Cameron's.

Cam hesitated for a moment before responding, "I have, and that's the other issue I want to discuss with you, but I think we should deal with the PTSD stuff first before I worry about that explosive subject," he said as his well-practiced calm expression started to crack.

"Very well," Bela answered. "Please do continue regarding the PTSD. Tell me more about that. I'm sorry to have interrupted your story."

"It's OK. We'll get to all of it eventually," Cam said, pausing for a moment to refocus his thoughts, "Right, well after her, the next biggest point of trauma would be the shuttle crash. I was on patrol along the Breen border with a squad of fellow marines when something hit our shuttle, forcing us to make an emergency landing on an M-class moon. I'm not sure how exactly, but I was the lucky one who managed to survive the crash," he said, before giving a huff, "Yea, 'lucky one', right. I had to rely on my survival training to stay alive for months."

OK, so add survivor's guilt to the PTSD, Bela thought to herself. "Did everyone die instantly in the crash except for you? Were you injured?" she asked concerned. "And why did it take so long to retrieve you?"

Cam sighed, "Yes, they all were killed. Yes, I was injured. Two broken ribs, the rest were bruised. And as for why it took so long, The Breen didn't exactly take kindly to a federation starship lurking around their borders."

"Did you end up on the Breen side?" Bela asked fretfully.

"Not exactly...." Cam said, hesitating a little. "This system was a strange one. When the treaty was written, the system was on the Breen side of the border, but due to some kind of special anomaly, it shifted just enough to be sitting exactly on the border. So technically, I landed on a federation planet that over the months moved back into Breen space," he explained, trying to keep things simple. "I don't really get it, but the egg heads on earth thought it made sense."

"Gravitational astrophysics can be heavy," Bela responded, giggling at her own little joke. "I still don't understand why the Federation could not get to you sooner, when the planet was partially on our side."

Cam gave a shrug, "That's a question for Starfleet Command. Maybe they had to make sure the treaty was correct or something. I don't get into politics. It gives me a headache."

"Still, you never asked?" Bela asked incredulously. She would want to know why she was left behind. Then again, she probably would have made friends with everyone and had herself shipped off the planet, she thought with an amused internal smile. "I just wish everyone could get along," she concluded honestly.

"I was just a Corporal at the time. I wasn't exactly in any position to be kicking up dust over being left on a planet. The Corp trains us to survive in such events so Marines are given a little more time between report in times," Cam explained, before considering Bela's words. "And, I also would like everyone to just get along, but that would put me out of a job and as I said, retirement just doesn't suit me," he said, giving her a boyish smile, though his aged face made the expression a little less boyish.

Bela loved the smile that came through and she returned a warm one for his. "But would it not be a good thing to be out of a job for everyone getting along. Think about all the other things that you could possibly do. The possibilities are endless."

"For most people I would agree, but for old war dogs like myself, we need the action," Cam said, before he took another deep breath in. "Well, after that, I was sent to the USS Bach for recovery and then I was assigned to Deep Space 4 from where I conducted several recon missions into both Cardassian and Romulan space. The final kick in the teeth was being captured by an Orion slaver and taken to the mine where I met and joined the Calypso."

"You certainly have had a series of unfortunate events," Bela replied sympathetically. "But events do not define who you are."

"They don't define us, but they certainly shape the person we become," Cam said as he turned his full attention back to Bela, "I'm sure you've been through your fair share of eventful experiences."

"I am not certain that I would say that, Cameron. Most of my life has been spent helping others."

"Exactly, you've spoken with people from all over the galaxy, Humans, Vulcan, Bajorans, Klingons. Surely that's exciting," Cam offered, trying to lighten Bela's dampened mood.

"I find it all very interesting," Bela replied with a nonchalant shrug. "Like I said, I just want to make certain that everyone can get along and I can help people heal. It is my calling."

Cam smiled, "Well, now that we've gotten the heavy stuff out of the way, and speaking of getting along, could I ask you for some relationship advice?"

"You can ask me for anything," Bela answered happily.

"OK, then." Cam paused for a moment, trying to think how he could word his questions, "There's someone from my past I would like to reconnect to, how would you recommend going about doing that? It's a romantic partner."

Bela's face became impassive for a moment as she considered the problem. She then looked at Cam seriously and asked, "I suppose that there would be a lot of variables that would determine the answer to that question. Why don't we start with a name, where this person is, and the circumstances on which the relationship or dalliance ended."

Cam shifted a little in his seat uncomfortably, "Umm, I'd rather not reveal their name, but they are an officer onboard this ship. The relationship ended just over a year ago when I was trying and failing to be a farmer."

Internally Bela squealed with glee. A romance to bloom under her watch! Outwardly, however, she remained professional. "OK. So, why did you decide to become a farmer and why did this other person not join you?"

Cam thought for another moment, "I wanted to retire, and my partner wanted to continue her career. So, we decided to give the whole long distance relationship thing a go; but in the end, she couldn't handle our conflicting schedules, so she filed for divorce. I still very much care for her and I want to see if things between us could be rekindled."

"Hmmm," Bela mused audibly. "When you decided that you wanted to retire, did you talk to her first about it? Did you make this decision on your own? It sounds like you did...."

"No, no, we talked about it. Although I did plan it out before talking with her." Cam said, a slightly guilty look on his face. "I figured if I plotted everything out first, there wouldn't be much more to discuss, and yes, I was proven very wrong very quickly. We did discuss both of us leaving or staying onboard, but we couldn't agree on either solution."

"That's because you planned out everything in advance without talking to her, Cameron," Bela told him as if it was as obvious as A, B, C. She sighed heavily. "How long were you married before this happened?"

Cam's face dropped into a more depressed expression, "We were married for about a year and a half, not including the time I've spent off the ship." he answered before giving a sigh, "So, it's all my fault. I screwed things up."

Bela nodded. At least Cam was remorseful. "Well, it seems that you definitely understand the gravity of the situation that you placed yourself. Have you talked to her at all? Had any conversations since the divorce?"

Cam shook his head, "No, we basically stopped talking after the divorce. Every time I thought about sending her a message or contacting her over subspace, I couldn't come up with anything to say. The standard things just seemed pointless to talk about." He said as he leaned forward, putting his head in his hands, "Is there a way out of this for me? Or am I doomed?"

"Oh, there's potentially a way out of it. However, much of it depends on whether she is involved with someone else and how much effort you are willing to make to rebuild trust with her."

Cam gave a sigh of mixed relief and resignation, "OK, so other than just talking with her, which I will, what else would you recommend I do?"

"To rebuild trust? You're first going to have to admit that you made a horrible, horrible mistake. Then you will have to be open and vulnerable with her, but much will depend on her reaction. She may say thank you or scold you or do a number of different things. Whatever it is, you're just going to have to accept it and then, maybe you can start to feel around if she has feelings for you. However, if she responds in anger, it is probably best to wait a little for that."

Taking in her advice, Cam nodded, “ok then. So I pretty much just need to talk to her about it. See how things go after that.” He recapped, making sure he had the right line of thought. “Should I take flowers or chocolates or something?”

"Not initially. Too strong," Bela replied firmly. "First, you need to admit your error. Then you will have to weather whatever she says. After that, you will need time to rebuild trust and accept that you may be nothing more than acquaintances. You are going to have to follow her lead and see if she wants to open back up to you. Love is a risk, Cam. She may not be willing to take it. I understand that you are, but her feelings are what matter more right now if you want a shot of making this work again."

"So, basically, I just need to talk to her," Cam confirmed, giving a sigh. "It sounds so simple doesn't it. Well thank you for the advice. Do you have any other concerns you'd like to ask me about?"

"I think we have talked enough today. I would not want to wear out my welcome," Bela replied with a polite giggle.

Cam looked at Bela with a slightly confused expression, "Your welcome? Wouldn't I be the one overstaying?"

"You cannot overstay. As I said before, all that is ours is yours."

Giving her a smile, Cam stood up, "Well, I better get back to it then. Thank you for the advice and for the check up. I assume you're happy enough to clear me for duty?"

"I am and if you have more difficulties or need anything at all, especially with advice regarding your ex-wife, I would be more than happy to assist."

"I appreciate that, and I'll keep that in mind. Just don't hold it against me if I crash and burn, please."

"I would never do that," Bela replied, her voice betraying some shock that anyone would suggest that she would hold anything against anyone. "Whatever your need, I am here to help."

Cam nodded before giving her a smile. "Thank you Bela, I appreciate it," he said as he turned and walked to the door, pausing for a moment as something came to him, "Oh, and just a little something for our next session, I was assimilated by the Borg for a couple of days. Food for thought," he said before quickly walking out the door and disappearing into the flow of the ship.

Bela sighed and gave Cam a wry smile. He's a mess. I definitely have my work cut out for me with him. I live to serve.

OFF:

Captain Cameron Bourne
Marine CO
USS Calypso

&

Lieutenant Bela Swain
Chief Counselor
USS Calypso

 

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